What is a Workout Widow?

What is a Workout Widow?  I guess that’s the obvious question.  It varies person to person, but for me it is this:

            A person in a committed relationship whose partner’s exercise intrudes to the point of consistently causing conflict, resentment, or negative pressures on their relationship.

Each situation is different, but there are some common areas where problems arise:

• Financial issues
• Decreased time together
• Less help with household activities
• Less time spent with children
• Pressure to take part in exercise related activities they have no interest in “for your own benefit” or “to spend more time together”
• Decreased sex/ social life
• Feelings that their own hobbies or interests are not as valued or regarded as important as their partner’s “real” hobby   

This is just a small sample of the issues that I will discuss in detail as this blog goes along.  Did you notice a theme among these issues?  Most are about priorities and values.  This isn’t a right/ wrong type situation.  It’s about foster a better relationship where both sides grow not just as individuals but together.

Thanks

Dave

Recipe: Pasta Puttanesca

Meaning “hooker’s pasta”, this dish is like its namesake- spicy, fast, and cheap.  Yes it has anchovies, but it’s not a prevalent flavor.  You must use them or dish isn’t the same.  Even my wife who HATES anchovies loves this dish. 

Ingredients:

2 tblsp extra virgin olive oil

5 cloves garlic, chopped fine or mashed

1 tin flat anchovy fillets packed in oil, drained

½- ¾ tsp crushed red pepper flakes (depending on how hot you want it)

3 tblsp capers

1-15 oz can crushed tomatoes

1-15 oz can diced tomatoes (I like the fire roasted kind for this)

1 pound pasta of your choice- spaghetti or linguine are most common but a short pasta like penne can work as well

Chopped parsley and cheese for garnish

While the water to cook the pasta is getting up to a boil, heat the oil in a skillet over medium heat.  Add the anchovies and sauté for 1 minute before adding the garlic.  Sauté for 2 minutes then add the capers, red pepper flakes, and tomatoes.  Bring to a boil then reduce heat to medium-low or low (depending on how hot your stove is) and simmer while pasta cooks.

Add pasta to boiling water and cook till al dente (firm but not chewy).  Add ¼ cup of the water from the pasta pot to the sauce before draining pasta.  Stir the pasta into the sauce and toss together.  Top with chopped parsley and parmesan cheese.

Serve with bread and a mixed green salad.  If you want to add a meat to the dish, top with grilled Italian sausages, pork chops, or shrimp.

Enjoy!

Dave

Triathletes shoud be beaten

One thing I’ve noticed at all my wife’s events is that 15% of endurance athletes need to be beaten.  Now I don’t mean a serious stomping that results in ER visits and injuries.  What I’m talking about is a good old fashioned “What the Hell’s wrong with you?” boot to the ass to knock the stupid out of their thick skulls.

Before you get your thong in a twist, think about it: 15% is not a bad number.  Every group has about 10% complete and total tools, so a sport based on individual goals only attracting another 5% of arrogant pricks is actually pretty good.  The fact is these people stand out because most athletes do a decent job of not being obsessive.  The people I’m talking about are the outliers.  You’ve seen the type: roving packs of guys and girls wearing trisuits in town the day before the race who can’t remember their spouses’ birthday or the last time they went on a date but can tell you every detail of the last 50 training sessions. 

And please don’t give me the “Less than 1% of all people will ever run a marathon” crap.  Less than 1% will staple their genitals to a spinning windmill blade but you don’t see people handing medals to them afterwards.  The problem comes with so many runners or triathletes forgetting this is their hobby.  If marathons or triathlons are your job that’s one thing.  But neglecting your family so you can be giddy about a medal or a personal best is one hell of a trade off.

I have a challenge to athletes. Answer one question honestly to yourself: is your partner the more important than racing or training?  If the answer is yes then find real tangible way to let them know that.  If the answer is no or even if you really have to think about that one, you’ve got some soul searching to do.

I’m thinking about setting up a expo booth at one the marathons or triathlons.  In the middle of all the booths selling crap for athletes, I’m going to sell wiffle ball bats to their spouses. Along with the bat is a stack of stickers of a jackass.  If an athlete acts like a dingbat to their partner, anyone with a bat gets to (lightly) whack them with it and mark them a sticker.  That will add one more sound to race experience: “THUNK”

TTFN

Dave

WELCOME!

Hello Everyone! Welcome to the inaugural post of Workout Widows, my blog as the spouse of an amateur triathlete and marathoner.  My goal here is to provide a place for the partners of endurance athletes for them to get and share information, commiserate about the good and bad about of have a partner dedicated to/ obsessed with endurance sports, and for non-athletes and athletes to find ways to improve their relationships.

This is not a spot to slam athletes across the board. Being nice to athletes who succeed in making their hobby a part of life instead of the center of it is just as important as pointing out the skewed identity of someone who puts athlete before spouse as how they regard themselves.  75-85% of endurance athletes (bike riders, triathletes, marathoners, ultra runners, etc.) are decent folks who have found do a good job of balancing their hobby and their family lives.  What I will talk about and mock mercilessly are the  15-25% of people who are (for lack of a better term) complete pricks when it comes to non- athletes, including the people who enable them to do the very thing they use to hold themselves above everyone else. 

My slogan is “Partners not Spectators”.   Probably the single biggest thing that sets me off is when I hear athletes deride someone who doesn’t share their interest as a spectator, especially in regard to their own partner.  The spouse or significant other of an endurance athlete is so far from being a spectator that it just makes shake my head at how myopic some people can be.  Spectators see an event and decide to go wave and clap at people they’ve never met.  Most spouses put a ton of time, effort, money, and emotional investment into their partner’s race.  For athlete who is married or in a committed relationship to not realize their successes are just as much to do with their partners as it does with their trainers is just plain arrogant to the point of being blindingly stupid. 

What will I talk about on this blog?  I’ll cover a wide variety of topics that would affect the partners, but it will generally fall into one of these categories:

1. Rants.  My observations and opinions on all things relating to the good and bad regarding being the partner of an endurance athlete.
2. Recipes.  Food, drinks, and snacks that would be fit into an athlete’s diet without tasting like something that would be fed to a sick rabbit.
3. Athlete’s Perspective.  Sometimes I’ll ask my wife or another athlete to give “their side of the story” to something I’ve posted or some event or situation regarding endurance sports.
4. Q&A.  One thing I found when I started a group on Facebook regarding this subject is that no one joined, but I got sent a lot of questions from Workout Widows.  I’ll address those questions as well as questions posed here on this blog.

Hope this is a big help to everyone.

Let the games begin

Dave